pray for vincet torres, and his family, as yesterday they started pulling the plugs on his mother, who is brain dead after her heart unexpectedly stopped.
hgh school is almost over.
i'm going to fresno state, thanks milia :)
i am truly greatful for the close friends and family that god has provided me with.
this is the first time i have been to school on an even day in a few weeks.
prom is gonna be legit, both of them
WOMDAP
lets get crazy (sober, but crazy)
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Monday, April 27, 2009
The biggest decision
probably one of the biggest decisions of my life is coming up: choosing which college to go to. As of now i'm leaning towards Fresno State, due to the prestige scholarship i have recieved, kind of. its not the money im concerned about, its all about being the 'cream of the crop' being involved in an elite group with special privelages.
but i still dont know for sure. and i wouldve guessed that my parents would advise me to take all the time and not decide until i knew for sure, wow was i wrong.
they are forcing me to accept and sign a letter of intent tonight. no matter who it may be to. i know and understand that the deadline is a few days away, but i dont want a decision like this to be made if im not all the way in. I was still heavily considering UCSB, and also UCI and Cal Poly. I know it may sound stupid, but i was waiting for yet another sign from god to direct me. He's already made it clear on where i shouold go(fresno state), or so i think, and i was just looking for some reassurance. because i honestly do not want to go to fresno state. im only leaning towards there because i have things here holding me back. and im not convinced that these things are worth it. for instance, my band. i love those guys to death and i still do desire to make music a career, but im not positive that my future lies with them. plus there's so many musicians out there, im sure i could find the right people no matter where i go right? i've always wanted to go somewhere big, somewhere full of opportunity and thriving with life, but yet i find myself again leaning towards fresno. im having all these second thoughts, and im so close to changing my mind and going away, but im not positive yet, i still ahvent gotten my sign. and with my parents forcing me to accept tonight, i feel like they're deciding for me. it's not even the fact that they are telling me to accept my scholarship to state, its just the fact that i feel like they're deciding for me. i really want to go to UCSB, or even UCI, but im no ready to give up on my band. gosh that sounds so stupid when you say it out loud. And now ive also got the whole guilt thing going. I'm pretty sure i got a direct message from the big man saying, "GO TO STATE!" and if i go somewhere else well.... thats why ive prayed and asked for another sign. a clear cut sign where the clouds rumble and break and lightning strikes the earth and the grounds quakes and splits at the voice of God, directing me where to go. afduhysdndsgkjna;dslg
i dont know what to do! and in the next hour i will have to choose! so many things are pointing towards going AWAY from fresno state. but it seems as if i will be stuck going there.
asduyhlifj;eraudfinerivgfnfrf;eaivnre;akfhvjsdajkvnba;sodjnfbvhadsnflfad
all i want to do is play music!
but i still dont know for sure. and i wouldve guessed that my parents would advise me to take all the time and not decide until i knew for sure, wow was i wrong.
they are forcing me to accept and sign a letter of intent tonight. no matter who it may be to. i know and understand that the deadline is a few days away, but i dont want a decision like this to be made if im not all the way in. I was still heavily considering UCSB, and also UCI and Cal Poly. I know it may sound stupid, but i was waiting for yet another sign from god to direct me. He's already made it clear on where i shouold go(fresno state), or so i think, and i was just looking for some reassurance. because i honestly do not want to go to fresno state. im only leaning towards there because i have things here holding me back. and im not convinced that these things are worth it. for instance, my band. i love those guys to death and i still do desire to make music a career, but im not positive that my future lies with them. plus there's so many musicians out there, im sure i could find the right people no matter where i go right? i've always wanted to go somewhere big, somewhere full of opportunity and thriving with life, but yet i find myself again leaning towards fresno. im having all these second thoughts, and im so close to changing my mind and going away, but im not positive yet, i still ahvent gotten my sign. and with my parents forcing me to accept tonight, i feel like they're deciding for me. it's not even the fact that they are telling me to accept my scholarship to state, its just the fact that i feel like they're deciding for me. i really want to go to UCSB, or even UCI, but im no ready to give up on my band. gosh that sounds so stupid when you say it out loud. And now ive also got the whole guilt thing going. I'm pretty sure i got a direct message from the big man saying, "GO TO STATE!" and if i go somewhere else well.... thats why ive prayed and asked for another sign. a clear cut sign where the clouds rumble and break and lightning strikes the earth and the grounds quakes and splits at the voice of God, directing me where to go. afduhysdndsgkjna;dslg
i dont know what to do! and in the next hour i will have to choose! so many things are pointing towards going AWAY from fresno state. but it seems as if i will be stuck going there.
asduyhlifj;eraudfinerivgfnfrf;eaivnre;akfhvjsdajkvnba;sodjnfbvhadsnflfad
all i want to do is play music!
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
letter to my classmates.
letter, song, poem, whatever you want to call it.
"We are 18, so young, but at this moment, oh so old. We need to leave, get on our feet, on our own out of this town. Cause we've all grown up, and had the best times of our lives. but i promise you, life isn't through, the best years have yet to come. If you thought high school was fun, you'll love the college life. The deepest respect for classmates who enter service at this time. No matter what your goals, you'll all make it just fine. I pray God blesses the senior class of 2009.
'I hope when i see you next, that you are twice the man you used to be, a graceful woman living happily. I hope i won't see you soon, cause that means you got out of this boring town, your living accomplished and proud. Cause i for one am tired of, the routine we sank into these past four years, i know without a doubt, I'm worth more than parties and sleeping on the couch. and i can't wait, to see what all of us become.' We've had our differences, we haven't always got along, but as time runs down, the best comes out, unified as we walk. Remember senior ditch day, and remember this year's prom? All in all I've had a great time but now it's time to move on. 'I hope when i see you next, that you are twice the man you used to be, a graceful woman living happily. I hope i won't see you soon, cause that means you got out of this boring town, your living accomplished and proud. Cause i for one am tired of, the routine we sank into these past four years, i know without a doubt, I'm worth more than parties and sleeping on the couch. and i can't wait, to see what all of us become.' So much potential from such a little town. I believe in all of you, so go out and make me proud. The next time I'll see your face you'll be on my TV screen. So come on class of 2009, lift your caps and sing, 'I hope when i see you next, that you are twice the man you used to be, a graceful woman living happily. I hope i won't see you soon, cause that means you got out of this boring town, your living accomplished and proud. Cause i for one am tired of, the routine we sank into these past four years, i know without a doubt, I'm worth more than parties and sleeping on the couch. and i can't wait, to see what all of us become.'
-Ben Ezaki
"We are 18, so young, but at this moment, oh so old. We need to leave, get on our feet, on our own out of this town. Cause we've all grown up, and had the best times of our lives. but i promise you, life isn't through, the best years have yet to come. If you thought high school was fun, you'll love the college life. The deepest respect for classmates who enter service at this time. No matter what your goals, you'll all make it just fine. I pray God blesses the senior class of 2009.
'I hope when i see you next, that you are twice the man you used to be, a graceful woman living happily. I hope i won't see you soon, cause that means you got out of this boring town, your living accomplished and proud. Cause i for one am tired of, the routine we sank into these past four years, i know without a doubt, I'm worth more than parties and sleeping on the couch. and i can't wait, to see what all of us become.' We've had our differences, we haven't always got along, but as time runs down, the best comes out, unified as we walk. Remember senior ditch day, and remember this year's prom? All in all I've had a great time but now it's time to move on. 'I hope when i see you next, that you are twice the man you used to be, a graceful woman living happily. I hope i won't see you soon, cause that means you got out of this boring town, your living accomplished and proud. Cause i for one am tired of, the routine we sank into these past four years, i know without a doubt, I'm worth more than parties and sleeping on the couch. and i can't wait, to see what all of us become.' So much potential from such a little town. I believe in all of you, so go out and make me proud. The next time I'll see your face you'll be on my TV screen. So come on class of 2009, lift your caps and sing, 'I hope when i see you next, that you are twice the man you used to be, a graceful woman living happily. I hope i won't see you soon, cause that means you got out of this boring town, your living accomplished and proud. Cause i for one am tired of, the routine we sank into these past four years, i know without a doubt, I'm worth more than parties and sleeping on the couch. and i can't wait, to see what all of us become.'
-Ben Ezaki
Thursday, April 9, 2009
everything at twice.
i am so conflicted.
i want everything all at once.
i desire to be everything.
i want to go everywhere.
i dream of everything.
so why, out of all the hopes, dreams, and aspirations that haunt me, am i choosing the most quaint and safe one. why am i waiting for the things i truly want. i really should be getting on the ball.
but it's because i don't know which train to hop on. thats it. i dont know which path to take, because i want all of them. and thats why i am choosing to sit at the fork of the road and do nothing, watchin glife pass me by, hoping that everything will just magically work itself out. who knows that may happen, but still i need to take some initiative.
i wrote this a while ago.
but i still feel the same way
i want everything all at once.
i desire to be everything.
i want to go everywhere.
i dream of everything.
so why, out of all the hopes, dreams, and aspirations that haunt me, am i choosing the most quaint and safe one. why am i waiting for the things i truly want. i really should be getting on the ball.
but it's because i don't know which train to hop on. thats it. i dont know which path to take, because i want all of them. and thats why i am choosing to sit at the fork of the road and do nothing, watchin glife pass me by, hoping that everything will just magically work itself out. who knows that may happen, but still i need to take some initiative.
i wrote this a while ago.
but i still feel the same way
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