yessir.

I really need to sort out my priorities. Well, not even that, i just need to cut down the 'to-do' list. That way i can put my full focus and energy into the things i truly love. I really need to get back on track with God. There's no other way to say that one. I'm always at church, always working at the church. leading things at the church, but just because I'm there, doesn't mean i''m actually spending time with God, and growing with him into the person he wishes me to become.
And I KNOW that as soon as i fix things with him, everything else will fall into place. It's soo obvious, it's creepy and almost scary. And i try to convince myself it's just in my head. But if i ever want to accomplish anything, i really need to seek him first. I've had this pact with God since, i think freshman or sophomore year. And if i told you, you'd probably laugh at me and tell me that I'm stupid and can't control the world. But i swear on everything in me it's 100% real. When i keep up my end, God provides, and when i fall short, my desires aren't met.
okay now i just sound crazy.
I really need to put more trust in him as well. wow this just turned into a sermon, which is exactly what i didn't want.

I'm just in an unusually unpleasant mood this evening.

on the other hand, a lot of random things are falling into place! but I'm scared to get my hopes up. Oh well, we'll see how this goes.

how's that starting over?

Every year as the december days start to run out, you hear everyone planning what they're going to do for new years. Along with all the partying and resolutions, you always hear every one trying to figure out who they will kiss on new years. yea sure this can be a fun way to start off the new year, but i was thinking about this last night as i was alone with three other guys.haha
we're all so excited to start the new year with a clean slate, a fresh start. and yet the minute we begin our new start we go make out with some random girl we've never met. (this excludes people who are in relationships) why would you want to dirty your fresh slate? Why would you want your first kiss of the year to be with some random person who you didn't care for? Why would you waste it, the second you gain it? I don't know, maybe i'm old fashioned, but it just kinda seems like a waste to me. It reminds me of those people who, as soon as they put gas in their car, they drive around for now reason. accelerating way too fast, just burning all their fuel, just because they have it. okay never mind, that wasn't as good of an analogy as i thought it was. but you get my point.
so if you did in fact share a meaningless kiss with someone, I hope you enjoyed it, and better luck next year. As for me, I'll be waiting until i have some one worth kissing :)