probably one of the biggest decisions of my life is coming up: choosing which college to go to. As of now i'm leaning towards Fresno State, due to the prestige scholarship i have recieved, kind of. its not the money im concerned about, its all about being the 'cream of the crop' being involved in an elite group with special privelages.
but i still dont know for sure. and i wouldve guessed that my parents would advise me to take all the time and not decide until i knew for sure, wow was i wrong.
they are forcing me to accept and sign a letter of intent tonight. no matter who it may be to. i know and understand that the deadline is a few days away, but i dont want a decision like this to be made if im not all the way in. I was still heavily considering UCSB, and also UCI and Cal Poly. I know it may sound stupid, but i was waiting for yet another sign from god to direct me. He's already made it clear on where i shouold go(fresno state), or so i think, and i was just looking for some reassurance. because i honestly do not want to go to fresno state. im only leaning towards there because i have things here holding me back. and im not convinced that these things are worth it. for instance, my band. i love those guys to death and i still do desire to make music a career, but im not positive that my future lies with them. plus there's so many musicians out there, im sure i could find the right people no matter where i go right? i've always wanted to go somewhere big, somewhere full of opportunity and thriving with life, but yet i find myself again leaning towards fresno. im having all these second thoughts, and im so close to changing my mind and going away, but im not positive yet, i still ahvent gotten my sign. and with my parents forcing me to accept tonight, i feel like they're deciding for me. it's not even the fact that they are telling me to accept my scholarship to state, its just the fact that i feel like they're deciding for me. i really want to go to UCSB, or even UCI, but im no ready to give up on my band. gosh that sounds so stupid when you say it out loud. And now ive also got the whole guilt thing going. I'm pretty sure i got a direct message from the big man saying, "GO TO STATE!" and if i go somewhere else well.... thats why ive prayed and asked for another sign. a clear cut sign where the clouds rumble and break and lightning strikes the earth and the grounds quakes and splits at the voice of God, directing me where to go. afduhysdndsgkjna;dslg
i dont know what to do! and in the next hour i will have to choose! so many things are pointing towards going AWAY from fresno state. but it seems as if i will be stuck going there.
asduyhlifj;eraudfinerivgfnfrf;eaivnre;akfhvjsdajkvnba;sodjnfbvhadsnflfad
all i want to do is play music!
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Hey Ben,
I just want to encourage you in your choice... it sounds like you chose State. I fought it too, but remember just because you have been near Fresno your whole life doesn't mean great opportunities aren't there for you. Challenge yourself to stay away from home for the first month, invest in a group of guys (Not a frat cause they are lame), find a church you dig and get on the ground level of service. Play music, explore, figure out Ben Ezaki. I am not saying forget about Kingsburg, but when you go to state embrace Fresno. If you need anything let me know, i have a lot of contacts up there I am sure you do too.
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